Chronicles of a Pedophile
CHRONICLES OF A
PEDOPHILE
Raúl
E. García Lamoutte © 2008
“Hello; this is 9-1-1,
emergency service; operator 633. What is the nature of your emergency and how
can we help you?”
“Yes, hello, my name is
Helen Brown and would like to report a strange rotting smell coming out of my
neighbor’s house.”
“May I have your name
again please?”
“Mrs. Helen Brown.”
“And your address
please?”
“1213 Maple Street and
corner of 123rd.”
“That’s one two one
three on Maple Street?”
“Yes, corner of one two
three street.”
“What is your telephone
number?”
“305-555-8776.”
“Thank you Ma’am, how
can we help you?”
“I would like to report
a strange smell coming out of my neighbor’s house. And besides I have not seen
him for almost a week.”
“What is the nature of
the emergency?”
“It smells like
something is badly rotten or when a septic tank runs over.”
“Since when have you
noticed this strange smell?”
“While I was strolling
in front of the house yesterday afternoon, but this morning it got worse.”
“Is there anybody in the
house?”
“I would not know; the high hedges around it
prevents from seeing inside. I have not seen the young fellow for more than a
week.”
“Ma’am, could it be
possible this person left for a vacation and the bad smell could come from the
refrigerator?”
“I do not think so, he
may have mentioned it to me, and I am the only person in the block that he
speaks to. Also the smell is worse than
spoiled food or meat. It smells more than bad fish combined with an overflowed
septic tank.”
“Did you call to him at
his house?”
“I do not have his phone
number.”
“Ma’am, can you yell in
front of the house to see if he is there?”
“I am an old lady; I am
83 years of age. That is why I am calling you people.”
“Can you see any
movement in the house?”
“Listen lady, I have
told you that there is a tall hedge that surrounds the house!”
“Sorry, Ma’am, but I
have to gather the most information possible in order to be able to serve you
better.”
“I am aware. But please
hurry.”
“Yes Ma’am, we will be
there shortly.”
“Thank you.” CLICK.
Twenty five minutes
later a patrol car with two police officers, an ambulance, and a fire truck
were in the corner of Maple and 123rd. Mrs. Brown’s house was right on the corner,
and the hedged house was at its left on Maple. This was the only house with
hedges; it was a one story house with the carport on its left. The hedge on the
left, right and back was well trimmed at eight feet high. The front was cut at
levels, four feet high in the middle and an arch eight feet high for the main
door entrance and another for the car entrance.
The two policemen and one fireman opened the
patio gate and went into the patio up to the front door; the two paramedics
were on hand with the stretcher in the sidewalk. Mrs. Brown was the first
neighbor to stand in front of the gate craning her neck viewing the house
suspiciously, moments later various curious neighbors started to mill around.
The stench made one of
the policemen to gag and to turn back. The others put handkerchiefs over their
mouth and nose and knocked hard on the door and rang the doorbell at the same
time. The policeman that had turned back
yelled, “That is not rotten food, I have experience this before, it is a
rotting dead person.” One of the paramedics brought a small jar with a mentholated
cream, “Smear this under your noses, it will mask the smell; at least
somewhat.”
After checking for
opened doors or windows, and knocking on the windows around the house they
decided to break in. Upon breaking down the main door the scene in the living
room area was of a dead man in his forties, dressed in denim shorts, shoeless, and
a Civil Air Patrol T shirt, hanging from a yellow nylon rope around his neck
dangling from a hammock hook attached to a girder from the ceiling; his feet were
dangling two feet from the rug, and a two step ladder felled sideways on the
floor. His gut had exploded and the rotting innards were strewn on the rug,
larvae looking worms were starting to wriggle. The three gagged and vomited on
the spot. The smell was masked by the mentholated cream but the sight was
ghastly. The sickly grayish figure with sunken eyes and the neck tilted
sideways, his tongue sticking out and brown caked streaks from the back side of
his pants down his legs. On top of the coffee table an old style tape recorder,
those with the reels, sat. Beside it a
large plastic tumbler filled to one quarter which reeked of old whiskey.
The ME arrived an hour later
and had set the day of the death to last Sunday, today was Friday. The three
bedrooms of the house had been altered to one large bedroom with a plasma TV,
an extra large bed (European king sized), stereo sound equipment, video games,
tape and CD players, and one closet full of heterosexual pornography of all
sorts.
Robert Hays, the
Assistant District Attorney assigned to the case had the old tape recorder
brought to his office after it was dusted for prints. The only prints belonged to the deceased,
also the prints on the plastic tumbler.
After rewinding the tape
and restarting the same.
“My name is Robert
Glass, today is my forty fifth birthday, and I am a monster, . . . a pedophile. May God have mercy on my soul.” A
sobbing sound is heard on the tape.
“I am the sole
responsible for my own death.” A sipping
sound was heard, then a nose blowing sound, and throat clearing. “Pedophilia is defined as a paraphilia which involves
an abnormal interest in children. Paraphilia is a disorder that is
characterized by recurrent intense sexual urges and sexually arousing fantasies.
It is also a psychosexual disorder in which the fantasy or actual act of
engaging in sexual activity with prepubertal children is the preferred or
exclusive means of achieving sexual excitement and gratification. That being said
let me account for who, or what I am.” A pause.
“I was the only child
born in a small town, and I remember that I started masturbating at around age
7 and I was abused at age 11. I had what I believe to be a normal childhood;
school, friends, sports, and the whole shebang.
My father had died four years before my family
moved and my mother being a high school geography teacher and single did not
spend much time with me. Her social life and boyfriends were more important
than her son. I was raised by an elderly
aunt on my father’s side and my friend’s parents. Usually as friends in the
neighborhood we went in groups to the movies and to the parks on the weekends,
but most of my friends were away for this specific weekend; I believe it was in
the middle of July. I went to the Sunday matinee at the cinema close to my
house and when I went to pee, this neighboring peeing adult commented, “That’s
a good piece of meat you have there.” At that moment I felt confusion mixed
with pride. We befriended and usually met at the same cinema on Sunday mornings
for the matinee whenever I went alone. He would buy me pop corn, candy and
refreshments. One day he let his hand drop between my legs under the excuse
that he had missed the pop corn bag, and touched my penis. The excitement overclouded my judgment and
let him fondle me over my pants until I came, for the first time some liquid
oozed out of my penis and soiled my pants. I was a little scared since when I
left the theater the stain was staring back at me. The erection I felt mixed with the feeling of
“If somebody sees us” was overwhelming. When I got home I ran into the bathroom
and washed the stain out, and masturbated again. The arousal was enough that I
only thought of going back. Next Sunday I arrived early to the theater and sat
in the same area as always; he arrived smiling and sat. On this specific morning
the rain pelted heavily on the sidewalk, and the sky was black with the rain
clouds. After the movie without him
touching me, even though I was expecting and anxious to be touched, we ran under
the rain to his car, he had offered a lift even though I lived only ten blocks
away. Both drenched, in his car he pulled a handkerchief and dried my face and
reached again for my groin. Again the
excitement numbed my senses and I let him unzip me, pull my erect penis out and
he started to suck on it. First going up and down the gland, then deeper; then
started to suck on it like it were a small lollipop. I started to tense up, I
felt the blood slamming in my temples, and suddenly a pleasurable relaxation; an
ejaculation? If it could be called ejaculation, since at that age the sexual
excitement apex is just a feeling of pleasure tremors in the penis, like when
you pee the last drops. I did not feel anything come out of my penis. He straightened up smacking his lips and he
said “Now what can you do for me?”
I stammered, “I, I, I,
don’t know.” He pulled at my belt undoing it, and started to pull my pants
down. At the moment I did not think anything of it, the cool air of the air
conditioning unit and the pelting of the rain gave me a curious serenity. He pulled his pants down showing a hairy pubic
area, a first for me; and an adult penis not too large or too thick, but bigger
than mine. He was sweating and his thin lips were quivering; you could see some
of the veins in his temple and in his neck pulsing. He pulled from the ashtray
a small tube rolled up with the letters K Y showing, and smeared some on his
penis. Softly he turned me around so I would be with one knee on the car seat,
and one leg on the floor facing the door. I was like inside of a slow motion
tunnel, nothing was going on in my mind; suddenly I felt a prodding of my anus
and slowly without much pain I felt him inside me. In and out, in and out five
or six times, he jerked two times and I felt a warm liquid shooting inside my
anus, and his penis slipping out. I pulled up my pants, turned around, his face
was flush and he was breathing hard and masturbating. I felt a strange
sensation like a combination of shame and guilt so I opened the door and ran
out all the way to my house in the drenching rain. When I reached the house I
ran to the bathroom throwing all clothes in the floor along the way and hitting
the hot soothing shower. I lathered three times and still had a hard time
getting the oiliness out of my rectum and the smell from this person; at the
moment is was nauseating. That night, my nightmares were related to this
experience, and many other nightmares throughout my life.”
A long silence befelled
the recording, five minutes later the sound of the opening of a door and a
toilet flushing in the distance.
“Next Sunday, needless to say, I did not go to
the Cinema, nor for the rest of time I lived in that town, I even avoided going
near that area. I should have spoken to
somebody about it or seeked professional help, maybe, maybe, maybe . . .”
Silence again in the recording for a minute.
“Well, anyway. . . I
married at age twenty three and had a more or less normal sex life. Up to my
twenty sixth birthday I did not give this experience much thought, except for
the occasional nightmare, until. . . I was watching a re run of the modern
version of the Addams Family TV program when Wednesday’s; that was Christina
Ricci when a she was a little girl; eyes suddenly looked at me suggestively.
The look in her eyes was completely and utterly a sexual invitation. I started
masturbating imagining her face giving me oral sex and her eyes looking into
mine.
Next year my daughter was born, once I was in
the house when I saw her sucking her bottle and had the horrible thought of
putting my penis in her little mouth to feel that sucking reflex. I was
completely horrified by that thought so immediately I left the household, and
got a divorce. I rented an apartment behind the commerce center. Those next five years were a living hell.”
Silence . . . then a clinking sound of ice dropping in
a plastic tumbler, then the blurp, blurp of liquid from a bottle.
“Ehhhh, where was I?
Yes, I started dating again but it did not work out well, the sex was OK but no
real satisfaction; I felt something was missing but could not figure out what.
To entertain myself I took, magic lessons, photography lessons and donated my
time to the Civil Air Patrol. That was a
big mistake! Being around boys and girls from eight to fifteen years old,
started my warped libido again. Normally I could satisfy my cravings
masturbating with the fantasy of a specific girl that would grab my fancy or
with Cristina Ricci’s pouting face. I also started to build a collection of
heterosexual pornography and it grew to almost 600 pieces of tapes and CDs, I
even got copies of Deep Throat and Behind the Green Door; classics. With that
and elevated levels of masturbation I shied from actually acting out my
fantasies. Once, I bought, just for the hell of it, a CD with child pornography;
even though it stimulated my libido A LOT!,
I was so disgusted that I burned it, and even formatted the hard disk to
erase all traces of this abomination. I tried to get help but the fear of
telling somebody was overwhelming. Soooooo,
I decided to get information on my own.”
“The word comes from the
Greek paidophilia- pais (child) and
philia (love, friendship). It
has related terms from hebephilia to nepiophilia; from been attracted to
adolescents to toddlers or infants (ages 0-3).
And there are activist movements which advocates some or all of the
following: social acceptance of adult’s romantic or sexual attraction to
children; to sexual activity with children; changes in consent laws and mental
illness classification.
Now, children have not
the capacity to analyze the events as an adult can. When touched by an adult in
the process of their sexual and needs formation, their confidence in adults is
destroyed, also gives them the sensation of used and damaged merchandise. Consequences
are sleeping problems, sphincter control problems, hyperactivity, fear, guilt, depression,
anxiety, low esteem, and sexual dysfunction, among others.
This may cause the child
to become a pedophile. Now, this is
scary!
Also it is incredible to
note that from a 64% to 73% of child molesters are inside the family or
friends; step parents mostly, siblings, uncles; and in lesser amounts parents
and neighbors. Others are friends, grandparents, known persons, etc. Pedophiles even though seem normal they are
insecure, immature, with communication problems, and personality maladjustments,
especially in the sphere of social relations. Most pedophiles do not search for
treatment of professional help because going to a therapist or Psychiatrist
with the problems requires the professional to turn the individual over to the
law.
Wow, that’s a lot of information I got from
Wikipedia, and there was lots more, but instead of giving a long explanation of
what a pedophile does, I will give a rendition of what I did.”
Silence, CLICK.
CLICK
“So far I had not acted
on my fantasies, but it had not been easy, I thought I had it licked. For my thirty third birthday I treated myself
to a trip to New York staying at the hotel in front of the Madison Square Garden,
and to tickets for a Friday to see Man of La Mancha, newest version; tickets for
Saturday to see Criss Angel Mind Freak near Times Square. A chance to see my
favorite illusionist! That guy is awesome, creepy, but awesome. After the magic
show I went to eat at Antonio’s, a very good Cuban restaurant then I returned
to the hotel bar. I asked for a Vodka Gimlet and was staring at it just
reviewing in my mind the magnificent performance that the Mind Freak had done. A rustle at my side; and a voice that said,
“ID lady, please”. Turning to my right this raven black haired thin but not too
skinny girl asked for a Long Island Iced Tea. “Seriously”, I asked, “are you of
legal age?”
“Yes, but I get that all the time. I am 25
years of age; here, look at my passport. I am here representing the family
business and I return tomorrow, . . . well it is over 12 midnight, so today
afternoon back home.” Her passport was from the Dominican Republic but the
photo did not honor her. About 5’2”, short black hair in bangs, her skin was a
light chocolate, thin but not a bony structure, and the eyes . . . the eyes
were almond shaped and green. The most beautiful green eyes ever. I have failed to mention that green eyes have
always been my favorite. I believe that Wednesday’s eye color was green also,
or at least I thought so. This concoction of a person seemed like a small
tomboy, and you could guess at her age to be somewhere between 13 and 18. After
one hour of meaningless talk I asked, “Yours or mine?”
We undressed right after
entering her room; I walked to the edge of the bed and turned around to face
her. She was standing near the door with her boyish figure; I noticed she had
shaved her pubic area giving her a more girlish look especially with her tiny
busting boobs with large dark nipples. She was standing with one foot crossed
on top of the other, her body cocked to one side and her arms crossed in front
of her. “Come here,” I said. In a very
coy manner she complied slowly approaching me looking me straight in the eyes.
My erection at this time was so hard that it hurt. When she reached me, I said
“Kneel”; she knew what I wanted. My breath was short; I could feel the blood
racing through my body, banging at my temples. Ah! The power of domination! We stayed
up all night going through at least ten positions in the Kama Sutra. Not many words were exchanged all night just a little
prodding and she was very compliant in all. Her small girlish body, her body
orifices tightness made me very horny all night; we did not get any sleep and
she parted with a long lingering kiss. When she got into the taxi cab, I got
another hard on; so bad that I had to go back to my room and masturbate. I did
not realize that she had opened a can of worms.”
CLICK
CLICK
“That same year I moved
to this Maple Street address, a nice and quiet area; and redid the 3 bedroom to
one large one; a large plasma TV, good sound equipment, video games equipment,
a European King sized Bed, etc. Three months later I got an invitation from a
co worker, a single mom, to her daughter’s thirteen’s birthday, and if I could bring
some of my magic tricks. Nice patio party with a B B Q; most girls present were
students from private schools and were dressed conservatively, at least most of
them. The daughter had blonde long hair, nicely shaped round long legs, and
small but well developed boobs. My magic tricks awed adults as well as the
younger generation. After finishing I was eyeing Priscilla, the daughter, and
started to lust for her. Looking at her
kicked off my libido, my head started to pound and my stomach to churn as I
started to anticipate pleasure and to have sexual fantasies with her. Next week I went about the house just to say
hi; quite an excuse. The next week I was invited for dinner and I befriended
this family; every time I went, I tried to get an opportunity to be alone with
Priscilla to no avail. Two months later I offered to teach Priscilla how to
drive, they both took the suggestion well. Priscilla jumped up and down, and
looking at her small but perky boobs move accordingly made my temples beat and
hurt. All was set for next Sunday at an empty mall parking lot. All week all I
did after work was plan obsessively on what I was going to do, what to say, how
to make my fantasies true.
Sunday 10 AM came about;
we were alone at the parking lot so for an hour and a half we cruised slowly
around the parking lot, she was doing good progress. I asked her to park under
a tree and turn off the car. We opened the windows, the morning was cool. I
told her that she had done well and that I was very proud of her. She beamed a
smile. My blood was rushing, my ideas had become blurred, blood was pounding in
my temples, shortness of breath; an exhilarating sensation. I reached over and
kissed her lightly in the mouth and intentionally brushed my hand against her hard
breast. “You did good,” I said. She smiled. My head was racing to decide what
to do; should I go forward, stop? “Listen, can I ask you for a favor?” She said,
“Sure.” I took her right hand and placed in on my erect penis over the pants.
She looked flustered but did not withdraw the hand. I tilted my back rest,
pulled the zipper down and pulled my penis out; and replaced her hand on it.
“Is that it?” she asked trembling a little. I palmed her hand and placed it
around the penis and started to stroke slowly up and down. I was looking at her
face and eyes looking for reactions. He
face showed just a puzzled look. “I have never done this before,” she said. But
she squeezed my penis as her hand went up and relaxed it when stroking down,
like if she did have some experience. My throat was closing down, my brain
started to hurt, the pounding in my temples was harder and harder; I could
almost hear my blood rushing wildly through my veins. In slow motion I placed my left hand on the
back of her head and pulled her gently toward my legs; guiding her mouth to my
erect penis. “Put it inside your mouth, please” . . . “Tighten your lips around
it, and move your head up and down on it like this,” at the same time guiding
her head gently up and down. I felt my
brain exploding, blood racing and a mixture of fear and anxiety. Nervously I
looked around to see if anybody was around; nobody. “Suck on it like if it was
a lollipop. Does it taste good?” “Unhu”
she answered not taking her mouth away from my penis. That little word really
blew my mind. When nearing my climax I
pulled her head gently away and placed her right hand again around the penis
and motioned her to stroke it up and down. I stuck my index right finger in her
mouth which she sucked greedily. Big explosion! I came and the spurting liquid
covered her hand but she kept on stroking slowly which caused a tickling
sensation on my loins. I jerked up,
pulled out my handkerchief and wiped her hand and myself.
“Wow that was very, very good, I am really
proud of you. Start the car, let’s go for a couple of more rounds and take it
out just to the edge of the street, so we can go home.” She was looking
straight ahead and driving with great coolness. On the way home I asked if she was feeling OK,
she said “Yes, but don’t tell mom what just happened, OK? Let it be our
secret.” Arriving home Priscilla ran to her room. Her mom asked what happened
to her. I responded, “newbie driver’s jitters”, but I was puzzled at her
aloofness. Next week I passed by again
to say hi, and sat with Priscilla and her mom to watch TV for about an hour,
Priscilla and I exchanged co conspirator glances. My lust for her still clouded
my mind. Mom suggested more driving lessons for next Sunday; my heart leaped
with joy. Priscilla asked if she could go with us. “No I
cannot, I have to make some errands until two o’clock but I know you guys are
good friends and have a good time with each other.”
Next Sunday we arrived at the same time at the
lot but it was closed for reparations. “We are stuck with each other until your
mom returns at two. Would you like to see my new house, my plasma TV for MTV or
play video games?” She shrugged and I raced home, again my lust clouding my
brain. She went to the bedroom while I got her some ice cream. She sat on the
bed and I on a director’s chair. When
she finished the ice cream I sat with her and placed my hand on her thigh,
turned to kiss her softly in the mouth; no resistance. Brushed her bosom with
the hand; no resistance. Again my mind was clouded, my temples booming, my
heart stuck in my throat, and my hands were trembling. In slow motion still
pressed to her lips I pushed her down to the bed. I got up on one elbow and
started to slowly unbutton her blouse, no bra and still no resistance. I
started licking her pink nipples softly, tugged at her short skirt and got it
off while she trembled. I asked her if
she was cold but she said no. I kissed
all of her delicious body; MTV blaring in the background. My head was spinning
at 1,000 miles per hour. I reached under the pillow and got out my KY jelly and
a condom pack. Kissing her again I went to her pelvis and started to lick her
all over, a curious smell came from her vaginal area, like fresh urine; this
smell increased my cranial pressure and my libido. I started to kiss her
between her legs and pressuring my tongue up to her clitoris and down her vaginal
crack. She shuddered at every touch of my tongue. I turned her belly down and
pulled her to the edge of the large bed; still no resistance. Her legs dangled
from the bed while I kneeled on the floor kissing her buttocks and pressing my
tongue into her anus. I straightened up, dabbed KY jelly and pressed my
inflamed penis against her virginal anus, entering little by little. “This
might hurt a little at first but pretty soon you will get used to it.” The
sight of my penis slowly going in and out of her delightful pink buttocks and
pink anus was my most erotic experience so far. Five soft and easy strokes later I ejaculated
inside her. I pulled out and my penis was still erect and willing. I turned her
on her back and the sight of this wonderful virginal young body had me
trembling with fear and delight. “Did you enjoy it?” I asked. She shrugged. One hundred times a second the
thought of possessing her totally passed my mind. I decided to grab her knees
and softly spread eagled her; pressed my penis against her vaginal slit from
down upward thus rubbing my penis across from the clitoris down to the edge of
her anus; and I came again on her scarcely haired blond pubic area. Still with
a massive hard on I edged myself up a little and pressed my penis against her
wet hole and started to press in, little by little. There are no words to
explain the feeling of scared, lust, headache, and pressure in the temples at
this moment. I slipped a condom on and slipped back in again. Pressing a little
more, the hymen was penetrated and a trickle of blood started to come out. Ever so slowly it went to the hilt. Also I
started to stroke very gently her erect nipples with one hand and stuck one
finger in her mouth which she sucked greedily. I pleasured myself slowly, enjoying every
second of it and looking at her eyes. I felt admired, wanted, powerful, and
seductive. I pushed her more into the bed and kept pumping slowly inside her
kissing her softly on the mouth. I came again and this time it was blissful.
Later I took her back home and I let her drive. She seemed sullen; no words
were exchanged during the drive.
After I returned home I
thought to myself “God, I just raped a thirteen year old girl,” and started to
think about the legal and social consequences. I imagined pictures of me in the
newspaper; me in jail been beat, gang raped, and or killed by the inmates. But I
convinced myself that she would not say anything to her mother or to anybody
else. Was I been emphatic?
We kept that relationship
for almost two years, meeting at least once a month or every two months, her
mother never went with us and as I know she never found out. I do believe that
she was relieved to be away from her daughter. Most of the time she was willing to go to my
house some times we just went around to the Zoo, movies, etc.
Was I faithful? No. I
kept a small supply of girls from 12 to 15 years old through the magic tricks.
I had gotten very good at this. Oh God, what am I saying.”
CLICK
CLICK
“Some years into the
Civil Air Patrol gig, basically two years ago I was in charge of a group and it
would be the first time I would go camping with them for a weekend. On Saturday
morning a new recruit was brought, a nine year old red haired boy with green
eyes; and a sad look in his face. I
asked him about the long face and he told me a story of his recently divorced
parents and that none would have time for him, they were too busy, that he had
been bounced around from family houses. Immediately I told him that I was very
sorry to hear that. Also that I had a large plasma TV and lots of new video
games, would he like to go by and check them out. I befriended him and asked
him to tell his mom that he had a Civil Air Patrol meeting on Tuesday from 5 to
9, after school. I had always shunned away from boys but his sad green eyes got
to me. At the house, I took him to the bedroom and told him to activate the
games, but I had it set up to start the CD player with a pornographic movie;
and went to the bathroom. When I emerged he had not disconnected the CD player
and was mesmerized with the movie. I noticed he was rubbing his penis on top of
his trousers. I sat besides him and told him I would teach him to masturbate
better. I got him naked, and then myself; got the KY jelly out and put a dab on
his left hand and on mine. Told him to grab his penis and rub it up and down
with the cream, and I did the same. I then told him to reverse the cupping of
his hand and keep stroking. I coaxed him to get on all fours on the bed and to
keep masturbating while I tried something else for him. I prodded his anus with
my penis little by little until I got inside him. He protested just a bit but
then went with the flow of things.
From then on I started
to pick up boys and girls aged from 8-9 years until 14 maximum. I also started
Mandarin lessons to be able to fulfill another fantasy; oriental girls.
I had gotten good at lying,
conniving, conspirating, to satisfy my lust. I knew I was damaging them, but I
really did not care for my lack of empathy, no guilt. After all, the sexual
gratification was that all important.
Last year I started to
worry, I read about a pedophile abusing a child in a very bad sense that it got
the child in the hospital, almost dead. Then about Marc Detoux in Belgium; and
I got scared. I tried taking three months ago Depro Provera to lower the
testosterone, the chemical castrator.
It only caused me a deep depression.
Going to the doctor last month, I did not
mention the medication just the symptoms; tiredness, lack of interest in doing
things, weakness, etc.
The medication was nice,
I felt pretty good. But I started to have anxiety attacks, and a bit of
paranoia. Last week I took two weeks off work and doubled my medication on my
own and have stayed in my home all this time. Yesterday I realized that I had
become a predator, a wolf in sheepskin and that there was no help for me.”
CLICK
CLICK
“May God have mercy on
my soul.”
SILENCE….. RUSTLING
NOISE…….. A THUD…..
AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGH
………………………………………………..
The tape ended flapping its
loose end on the receiving reel.
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